Zoey was a dog that I had for a mere 10 years – which now, seems so short indeed. During that time though, she filled my every day, and she was just as warm and loving to anyone else she met along the way. She left a loving family in her wake, though we don’t all live together anymore, we are joined by having shared time with Zoey.
It is very hard for me to figure out one specific thing about Zoey that I miss now, because I miss her in every moment of every day. As my family members all grew up and moved out, Zoey and I held the fort. I work from home, so I was with her every moment from waking until we went to bed – and she was always ready for me to pay attention to her, but never a pest. She would nudge me at 4 pm every afternoon to go out for a long walk somewhere, but otherwise she was great about only telling me when she needed something – she was no whiner. She could talk like Chewbacca, which was only funny, and I sometimes made her do it. She’d beg for food in the best tones…and was always rewarded for making me laugh.
We walked 3 miles every day – and now, I hate thinking about walking in any of the places we did, which leaves me very few places nearby. I am getting fat, because I need my little furball to push me back out there again.
Zoey loved to hear me play guitar, which I did for her many, many nights. She’d cry if I said the words “guitar and sing” to her, and wouldn’t stop whining at me until I picked up the acoustic (she didn’t care about electric guitars), and commenced. Or, she could hear me hit a chord and she’d immediately come to me from wherever she was in the house, and curl up at my feet to be serenaded. I could sing anything, and she just smiled and pressed ever-closer to me. Many times, while I was playing, she’d crawl behind me slowly, to be able to finally put her jaw on my back, to feel my singing. It was really cool – I could play all night, and she would sit there, smiling and content. It made it very hard to play guitar for weeks…but I finally picked it back up a couple days ago, and sang out to hope it found her somewhere. I will return.
I slept with her every night, so that is the toughest part on me now, still – trying to fall asleep alone. I spin around in the bed, because she liked to press against my back – she was most content when we are all wrapped up in each other. I did not realize just how much that is true for me as well – but I do know it now.
I celebrate my dog, my little missus, and I miss her, every day still. I stopped crying so much though, and am finding a way to move on in the simple things – she would not want me to be so sad.
But every day, hurts. I can’t find much of a reason to do stuff – I am seriously depressed without her. She made me happier than I realized. I am struggling, hard. Just so, so sad.
She had started having seizures though…and they kept getting worse. Longer, and more intense. She was starting to suffer, and that was the worst thing ever – even worse than missing her now. She deserved better than that: she had earned the world. I had to let her go, so she did not feel more pain, and suffer so…and I keep trying to tell myself it will all be OK.
I put her down with the vet who was the first guy to see her. He cried with me. I buried her in my backyard, and my ex wife and I each bought a peach tree to place on top of her. The trees are doing well – I talk to them every day, still.
I am sure I will find another dog to love, and a guy like me, should love dogs – because I can. I do. I will.
But there will NEVER be another Zoey, and I will always miss my Golden Girl, the Golden Bear, the best dog ever.
Just thinking about her beautiful deep brown eyes, again makes me cry – but I am getting better, because she’d want me to. She didn’t play no fools.
It’s not that I wonder about getting another dog – I am sure I will, to recycle that good dog love that churns within me. But it is not another dog I care about right now, it is the loss of my Zoey – she was very special, in the world of perfect dogs.
I love you girl, more than either of us ever knew – so be good out there in forever. I’d give anything to hold you once more…but will instead, rely on the web to hold you here, forever for me. I miss you sooooo much, and Daddy loves you.
